I've Finally Deleted My Social Media Accounts: But That's Not the Point

FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM ARE DELETED!

It’s taken me forever to do this! Facebook and Instagram make it ridiculously difficult to do—another reason to quit them. I’ll talk about the bigger reasons later in this post.

I’m keeping my YouTube channel and will post videos there from time to time.

But who cares, right? Which brings me to my rant.

THE REALITY IS: NOBODY CARES

It’s not the first time I’ve said this, but I’ll say it again in celebration of unchaining myself from the AI algorithms: Nobody cares about your artwork, your interests, or your life (in general).

And this applies to me, first and foremost.

I understand that those are challenging words to read! I get it. But it’s true. And if you give me a chance to make my case, you’ll see why this is essential to embrace and believe. I might even say you should embody this idea. I learned this a long time ago. It’s not a negative thing. In the end, it will help drive your art and your life in a better, more authentic, peaceful direction.

I recommend that you find your own space to post your work—without any expectations—simply to quell your anxiety and satisfy the psychological need to offer art and ideas to the world. That’s what I do here. If people read it, great. If they don’t, great. The idea is to have an outlet that’s not tied to social media companies scraping your data and personal information.

“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, and when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”

— Anonymous

I’m not saying people want bad things to happen to you; they don’t (for the most part anyway). I’m saying that your day-to-day life and your hobbies, interests, and activities are meaningless to them.

They don’t care.

They don’t have the time or energy to care. They’re too busy trying to earn a living (money), working a job, paying bills, taking care of children, spouses, partners, parents, health issues, and other stuff. Life stuff.

They’re preoccupied, and it doesn’t involve anything you’re doing. Life is very challenging for most people. There’s no room for your obscure interests and strange ramblings (I’m projecting here a bit *wink*).

You might be thinking, “Wait a minute! People send me emails and give me likes about my work.” I know. There are people who do that. Some may show passing interest, but that’s it. You need to realize that after they click the “like” or “heart” icon, two minutes later they’ve forgotten about you and your work.

And when they send you an email or message, they’re usually after something. And yes, they might even include compliments about your work. It’s mostly a quid-pro-quo kind of thing. This is not a hard and fast fact, but the majority of the time it’s true. People are selfish. I’m sure you know that already.

When you come to terms with this, you’ll stop striving for people’s attention and accolades (it’s your attempt at bolstering your self-esteem to quell your existential dread). You will realize that it’s meaningless and a waste of your time and energy—it will burn you out—I’ve seen it happen.

If you face the fact that it’s YOU who are interested in what YOU are doing, and if you’re authentic and sincere, you won’t give a second thought to what others think. Even if they show some superficial interest in what you’re saying or doing. Make the work, put it out there, and let go—that’s all you need to do. Period.

This is true creative freedom for me. Life-changing freedom. It brings peace and gratitude into your life.

Years ago, I realized that my education, life experiences, exhibitions, published books, artwork sales, book sales, workhops (teaching), etc. mean nothing to anyone except me. It sounds like navel gazing, but it’s not.

Understanding this means coming to terms with where you derive meaning and significance—the two things that we need for psychological equilibrium.

I’ve chosen the life of an artist or creative person as my buffer against death anxiety. We all need to find something. You can pick a “nondestructive myth” or a “destructive myth” (to use Pruyser’s terminology). "Nondestructive myths" function as psychological shields against death anxiety, a key theme in terror management theory. Pruyser’s notion of cultivating illusions that "will not deteriorate into delusions" aligns with the psychological challenge of balancing necessary fictions (like cultural worldviews and personal identities) with reality—especially when these fictions protect us from existential dread but, when rigid, can foster denial and destructive behavior—i.e., "destructive myths.”

The fantasy has always been to have a community where artists understand and support one another. That doesn’t exist and never will. Human beings are too irrational, too self-centered, and too selfish for those to exist.

Embrace your solitude. You should actively choose to spend time alone in this respect, not feeling lonely but instead using the time to focus on yourself, reflect on your thoughts and feelings, and engage in creating art that brings you personal fulfillment, essentially seeing the positive aspects of being alone and making art a conscious part of your life.

That’s both meaningful and significant.

DELETING MY SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS AND THE CHANGING WORLD

I have to be honest; the political environment played a big role in my decision. Not 100%, but it played a part. And this was pre-election (America).

What’s happened to this country? What’s happened to the people here? We need to teach critical thinking, media literacy, and civics in school again. But I know it’s too late.

I’m reminded of the book The Fourth Turning by Howe and Strauss. According to them, we’re in the fourth turning now—the crisis period. “This is an era of destruction, often involving war or revolution, in which institutional life is destroyed and rebuilt in response to a perceived threat to the nation's survival. After the crisis, civic authority revives, cultural expression redirects toward community purpose, and people begin to locate themselves as members of a larger group.” (pg. 103-104)

It’s about generational memory loss. Every 80-100 years, called a saeculum, the world has faced the same thing, over and over again. If you’re unfamiliar with the book. You should read it. It’s grounded in historical events that are connected through these cycles.

The dark side of social media is real as well. Narcissism abounds on these platforms. It’s most often the people who are the most insecure (hence the narcissism) that do this. Most people post with the (unconscious) desire to show how their life is wonderful and much better than yours. “Look how successful, pretty, rich, etc. I am!” It’s a sad state of affairs. The curated lives on these platforms are phony beyond words. It has a detrimental effect on young, vulnerable people’s mental health. Look at the suicide rates of the young and vulnerable—social media has played a role in that.

Social media has also played a big part in this political and environmental meltdown. The misinformation and disinformation abound. It’s a platform for people to show their Dunning-Kruger effect on any topic. They’ll argue about anything and be right and certain about it.

The anti-intellectualism is terrible on social media—glaring in your face every time you log on. I can’t expose myself to that kind of stuff any longer. My head spins when I see flat-earth believers arguing with scientists, telling them that they’ve “done their research.” My head spins when I see videos of people talking about the U.S. government creating hurricanes and tornadoes. Conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory. No more for me; I’ve tapped out.

It’s true that social media created an environment where creatives could post whatever they make and hope to get sales, subscriptions, revenue, etc. If your goal is financial-based or you’re seeking recognition, it might work for a month or two, but there will be a heavy price to pay mentally and other ways. It’s just not worth it. Period.

This has led so many people down the rabbit hole of inauthenticity and burnout.

Algorithms (AI) now control most of the internet. And it will only get worse from here.

In order to even be seen (or listed anywhere in people’s feeds), you need to design content for the AI algorithm, not what you’re truly interested in.

I see this on YouTube quite a bit. People create content that is over-the-top, unreal, fake, and weird. It’s a bit unsettling to me to see people sell out like that. They know it needs to be sensational or people won’t watch it, share it, or “like” it. And if they don’t do that, the content is deprioritized. Nobody will see it.

The best content I’ve ever seen online has very few followers and very few views. That says a lot to me—volumes, in fact. I get it. My interests and commerce have very little in common.

It’s a game that deals with eyeballs, clicks, and revenue.

Quinn by the Palm Trees - Las Cruces, New Mexico. November 2024

SO WHAT’S YOUR POINT?

I make art and write primarily to quell my existential concerns. That’s first and foremost.

I study, write, read, and explore in hopes of understanding the human condition a bit better. I want to understand myself better, too.

That’s important for me because I would like to contribute on the macro level (big picture) of conversation about existential struggles. I’m not concerned about whether I’ll be remembered or not—I know I won’t be.

I want to add a line to the discourse—even anonymously—that is helpful in some way of making existing a little easier to understand. I want to share ideas about creativity and psychology. That’s all I want to do—Becker would say I’m grasping for symbolic immortality—and I would say he’s probably correct.

To reiterate, nobody cares about my photographs, paintings, or art. They don’t care about some obscure anthropologist’s theories I espouse. They don’t care about what degrees I have or what exhibitions or books I’ve published. Nobody cares about what I think in general.

What people care about is furthering their existence—supporting and bolstering their worldviews or meaning systems—with ideas and information that support them.

If I offer a nugget of information or inspiration here or there that they can connect to, that’s all that matters. They’ll take it, and they’ll move on to the next resource to see what they can get. That’s all.

In the end, it’s all meaningless. We’re just trying to lean on whatever we can to get through each day.

If you can see yourself as an anonymous contributor to the “big picture,” you will not only bolster your self-esteem; you’ll be more in touch with what’s real and not connected to an illusion of ego and importance.

Think about your cosmic insignificance. I really like what Zapffe said in The Last Messiah, "The life of the worlds is a roaring river, but Earth's is a pond and backwater. The sign of doom is written on your brows—how long will you kick against the pinpricks?"

I know you don’t care, but from this point forward, the only place you’ll find my work is here and on my YouTube channel. Feel free to join in or not. It’s all going to be okay—go the way of the grasshopper and be content. That’s what I’m trying to do.

“…that it takes sixty years of suffering and effort to make such an individual, and then he is good only for dying. This painful paradox is not lost on the person himself — least of all himself. He feels agonizingly unique, and yet he knows that this doesn’t make any difference as far as the ultimates are concerned. He has to go the way of the grasshopper, even if takes longer.”

— Ernest Becker

Confronting the Void

I’m considering what the title of my doctoral dissertation might be.

The school calls it a “vision-seed.” It’s an interesting way to put it. It makes sense. They say:

“Growing Your Vision-Seed
In our new transdisciplinary applied doctoral program, the PhD in Visionary Practice & Regenerative Leadership, each student begins their journey with the spark of an idea or a desire, a personal calling. We call this initial spark the vision-seed. Our program is designed to help students nurture, incubate, develop, and bring to fruition this life-giving spark as they fulfill their unique purpose.”

There’s no doubt it will change over time. I’m going into this doctoral program with a confident plan. The ideas may shift a bit as I work my way through, but the main thesis will remain in tact to the end.

My dissertation title is "Confronting the Void: An Examination of Death Anxiety, Death Denial, and Terror Management Theory Through Artistic and Cultural Lenses.” This may change, and it might not. Everything is fluid at this point.

The main point of the work will be working through the theories as they apply to creative people. I’m using myself as the subject, and possibly others as I move through the program; I’m not sure. The dissertation will deal with the intersection of mortality and art—how does a creative person process their mortality? Is it different from a non-creative person?

For the past couple of years, I’ve been writing an autobiography (the best way to describe it) to examine my own journey and how I came to art through my life experiences. I’ve blended that writing with these theories and my artwork. I feel like it will be a powerful narrative in the end. Describing how creative people deal with the knowledge of their death.

Ernest Becker said: “Man is out of nature and hopelessly in it; he is dual, up in the stars and yet housed in a heart-pumping, breath-gasping body that once belonged to a fish and still carries the gill-marks to prove it. His body is a material fleshy casing that is alien to him in many ways—the strangest and most repugnant way being that it aches and bleeds and will decay and die. Man is literally split in two: he has an awareness of his own splendid uniqueness in that he sticks out of nature with a towering majesty, and yet he goes back into the ground a few feet in order blindly and dumbly to rot and disappear forever.” (Denial of Death)

To be forgotten and not matter (impermanence and insignificance) is unbearable psychologically speaking. We don’t want to be a nameless, faceless, forgotten being. We long for recognition. We long to be noticed and admired. We long for immortality, literal or symbolic.

Why do we get up every day? What drives us? What is the essence of human nature? Culture offers a range of possibilities for heroism or immortality projects, in which death is denied and an illusion of immortality constructed. These illusions buffer death anxiety, making it possible to function day-to-day.

Most people fail to recognize their condition. Their illusions ensnare them so deeply that they fail to recognize reality and the weight of consciousness. This is how evolutionary psychology describes the defense mechanisms against the knowledge of death. The coping mechanisms work for most people—look at the world around you— look at how people spend their time doing trivial, meaningless stuff. It’s all a distraction from confronting the void or coming to terms with death.

“Becker Faces: Subconjunctival Hemorrhage,” watercolor on paper. Sometimes, the panic and anxiety are palpable in people. I’ve been exploring painting these “Becker Faces” with watercolor. There are a few I like. Watercolor gives a certain freedom, and the way it blends and separates at the same time is beautiful. 

Zdzislaw Beksinski - Polish Horror Painter and Photographer

Eating spider people.

Zdzislaw Beksinski was a Polish horror painter and photographer.

His work fascinates me. I like what Populist magazine said about his work. “Things aren’t pretty all the time. Life isn’t always handed to you wrapped up with a bow. The work of Zdzislaw Bekinski will remind you of that.” An existentialist artist by definition.

He was murdered in 2005. Stabbed to death over money—about $100 USD. His life seemed to end in a horror show, much like his paintings depicted. I know he never assigned “meaning” to his work. In his case, I don’t think he needs to. I rarely say that about any artwork. I get why he said it.

All of his work was untitled. Again, I get it. There is a danger of over-explaining or explaining away your work. See Susan Sontag’s writing on this topic. She believed that interpretation can be harmful to art and the viewer's experience of it. In her 1964 essay, "Against Interpretation"” she argued that the modern style of interpretation separates form and content, which can damage the artwork and the viewer's appreciation of it.

I see him as an existential nihilist in some ways, as it refers to meaning in art. He was quoted as saying, “Meaning is meaningless.” That sums up his existential struggles quite well in my mind.

Prussian blue. In the wet collodion photographic process, I use potassium cyanide to “fix” the images. It removes all of the unexposed silver from the plate. Before I use the potassium cyanide, I develop the image with an iron/acid developer. When iron is mixed with cyanide, it creates prussian blue. I’ve seen it in the process many times. I saw this in the gas chambers in Europe when I visited the death camps. I was shocked to see Beksinski using it in his paintings. Such powerful symbolism.

The “prussian blue” figure and Latin inscription: The Latin phrase in hoc signo vinces translates to "in this sign you will conquer." It was used as a military motto by Constantine the Great in the early 4th century. The phrase comes from a vision Constantine had before a battle, where he saw a cross with the words inscribed on it. This vision was a key moment in Constantine's conversion, and he went on to become the first Christian ruler.

The prussian blue figure again and religious figures.

I relate to his color palette or choice of colors a lot. The warm, muted tones. Really beautiful.

                                                              “Fear,” 2004 - my tribute to Beskinski - black glass ambrotype

“Death Camp, Germany,” 2009 

Self portrait - 1956-57

Anxiety, Depression, and Art

There are a lot of topics that are off limits to discuss in American culture.

We’re basically taught to steer clear of talking about things like death, mental health, sex, religion, and politics. You know, the stuff that gets people riled up or makes them super uncomfortable and sometimes extremely angry.

Bringing up these taboo subjects can even lead to people acting out aggressively. And honestly, with the way things are right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some of that in the coming days or weeks. I’m really hoping it doesn’t happen, but I’m not holding my breath.

In this post, I’m going to address one of the big ones: mental health issues and the death anxiety connection.

DEATH ANXIETY & MENTAL HEALTH

I would propose that, like death, mental illness is something we don’t understand. The human brain is very complex. It will be a long time before we can address mental health issues like a broken leg or a common cold.

We’re frightened of things we can’t explain or understand. We typically repress them or make something up to explain them (i.e., conspiracy theories).

We live in a death-denying culture. We lie and deny all of the time about uncomfortable facts. Humans generally don’t seek truth; they seek out what makes them feel good; this is called confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias is a cognitive bias that involves favoring information that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. It causes people to seek out, interpret, and remember evidence in a way that reinforces their views while disregarding or downplaying information that contradicts them. This bias can influence decision-making and perception, often leading to flawed conclusions because it limits a person's ability to objectively evaluate information.

In their book Denial: Self-Deception, False Beliefs, and the Origins of the Human Mind, Ajit Varki and Danny Brower present a compelling theory that denial and self-deception are integral components of human evolution. They propose that the capacity for self-awareness combined with an understanding of mortality should have led to debilitating levels of anxiety, potentially preventing early humans from functioning effectively or thriving.

To cope with this awareness of death, humans developed a psychological mechanism of denial. They contend that by suppressing their constant anxiety over mortality, humans were able to innovate, take risks, and pursue their goals without feeling paralyzed by fear. Lying and self-deception, as extensions of this denial, became adaptive traits, contributing to the survival and advancement of human beings.

They suggest that these traits are essential for human society but come with significant consequences, such as the persistence of irrational beliefs and the difficulty in addressing existential truths. Which brings me to my point.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

Depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. I know about both of them.

This is not about the “madness” of creative people or some old trope about being mentally ill as a great way to access creativity. I don’t buy into a lot of that nonsense. I don’t believe it works that way at all. In fact, I would argue the exact opposite: art is created to quell existential concerns, not because of them. The cart and horse analogy would apply here.

For most of my adult life, at least since my mid-to-late twenties (post military), I’ve suffered from anxiety and sometimes depression. It’s varied in form; sometimes completely disabling and other times only mild and kind of an inconvenience.

“Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world.”

— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

I never know why or when it’s going to show up. There is always a "rumble,” just below the surface, and I’m never really completely free from it. The anxiety part is the biggest problem for me. I do turn to making art when it hits.

Art has helped me a lot. However, since reading Becker and studying terror management theory, I think I have a better handle on what it is and even ways to deal with it from an analytical perspective—in my own way. I try to break down these complex concepts into smaller parts to understand how they work, relate to each other, or contribute to the whole. This helps me. Or at least gives me some comfort.

What causes anxiety or depression? That depends on who you ask. I would answer it like this: When a person suffers from depression or anxiety, the blinders about life are lifted. The person sees and feels the world for what it is—a terrifying, meaningless place. Zapffe used the term cosmic panic to describe an overwhelming existential realization of the absurdity and meaninglessness of human existence in the universe. In essence, the person’s illusions are no longer in place or meaningful. These illusions, whatever they might be, are disabled, and existence reveals itself for what it really is.

That explanation for me is real. I’ve lived it and continue to live it every day. Ernest Becker made it very clear that if we didn’t have illusions or constructs to lean on, we would be in a state of constant dread or terror. He said without illusions to quell our death anxiety, human beings would face a psychological crisis. In his book The Denial of Death, he argued that humans are unique in their awareness of mortality, which creates an existential fear. To cope with this, we construct illusions or "immortality projects" that give our lives meaning, such as creative projects, religious beliefs, political beliefs, and achievements that help us feel part of something enduring or “immortal.”

If these illusions are stripped away (via anxiety or depression), Becker believed that we would experience paralyzing dread or even nihilism, making it difficult or impossible to function or find purpose. This unbearable fear of death, left unchecked, could result in significant psychological distress and societal chaos, as people would lack the comforting frameworks that provide a sense of continuity and hope. In essence, our illusions shield us from the raw awareness of our impermanence, allowing us to live more manageable and motivated lives.

Art and a creative life give me meaning and purpose. Do I know, intellectually speaking, that my art is meaningless and won’t endure? Yes, I do. However, for me to function every day, I need to make art, and I need to pursue my preoccupation with human behavior.

In the words of Albert Camus, “Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world.” The Myth of Sisyphus.

Revisiting Peter Wessel Zapffe and The Last Messiah (1933)

There are several figures in history that I believe are worth a second or third look concerning death anxiety and creativity.

Peter Wessel Zapffe is one of them.

He was a Norwegian pessimistic philosopher who wrote the essay The Last Messiah (1933).

Zapffe was born in 1899 in Tromsø Municipality, Norway. He died in 1990. He was 90 years old. He loved mountain climbing and photography. Norway has archived thousands of his images. He practiced law for several years as well.

It’s not a stretch to say he was an existential nihilist as well as a pessimistic philosopher. He had some very profound ideas about consciousness, death anxiety, and human behavior. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860), a German pessimistic philosopher, had a significant influence on him. Heidegger, Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche all had an indirect influence on him.

I’m going to start with a quote from the ending of the essay:

Peter Wessel Zapffe

"The life of the worlds is a roaring river, but Earth's is a pond and backwater.
The sign of doom is written on your brows—how long will you kick against the pinpricks?
But there is one conquest and one crown, one redemption and one solution.
Know yourselves—be infertile and let the earth be silent after you."
Peter Zapffe, The Last Messiah

Let’s break this down.

"The life of the worlds is a roaring river, but Earth's is a pond and backwater."
This suggests a contrast between the larger, cosmic scale of existence ("roaring river") and the small, stagnant, and insignificant nature of life on Earth ("pond and backwater"). Zapffe often emphasized the insignificance of human life in the grand scheme of the universe.

"The sign of doom is written on your brows—how long will you kick against the pinpricks?"
The "sign of doom" portends destruction or meaninglessness for humanity. The phrase "kick against the pinpricks" refers to resisting inevitable suffering or unpleasant truths. Zapffe sees human life as an ongoing struggle against harsh realities, particularly the knowledge of death and meaninglessness.

"But there is one conquest and one crown, one redemption and one solution."
This line is somewhat paradoxical, as it suggests there is only one way to overcome the human predicament—through acceptance of a particular truth, which Zapffe reveals next.

"Know yourselves—be infertile and let the earth be silent after you."
Zapffe advocates for antinatalism—the idea that human reproduction perpetuates suffering. By choosing not to reproduce ("be infertile"), he suggests humanity can escape the cycle of suffering and allow the Earth to "be silent," essentially ending the human race as a way to cease the existential pain.

Zapffe's philosophy is deeply pessimistic, rooted in the idea that human consciousness leads to an awareness of life's absurdity, and the only way to mitigate this is by halting the cycle of suffering through non-procreation. This is in direct opposition to our “survival and reproduction” instincts. He would call those primal and animal like (no knowledge of suffering, meaninglessness, and dying.)

Cosmic Panic

His concept of "cosmic panic" refers to the overwhelming existential terror that arises when humans become fully aware of their position in the universe—namely, the realization of life’s inherent meaninglessness, the inevitability of death, and the apparent indifference of the cosmos. This moment of panic is more than just fear; it's a profound, paralyzing dread that emerges from our awareness of existential truths.

For Zapffe, "cosmic panic" is a direct consequence of human consciousness. While other animals live instinctively and without awareness of their mortality or the broader cosmos, humans are burdened with a level of self-awareness that allows us to comprehend our finite existence. This awareness can lead to a deep sense of horror as we confront questions of purpose and the randomness of life.

To avoid this state of cosmic panic, Zapffe believed that humans instinctively employ various coping mechanisms (see below; isolation, anchoring, distraction, and sublimation) to suppress the terror of existential awareness. Without these defenses, he argued, we would be left to confront the full weight of our existential insignificance, a confrontation so destabilizing that it would lead many to despair.

The Coping Mechanisms Used to Buffer Death Anxiety and Get Through Life

I’m most interested in his coping mechanisms for death anxiety. They are very much in line with Ernest Becker. I often wonder if Becker read Zapffe. I bet he did. Zapffe describes four coping mechanisms people use to deal with the painful awareness of life’s absurdity and the inevitability of death. He argues that human consciousness and self-awareness bring a unique existential burden, which we struggle to endure. To address this, he identifies four key methods we use to suppress our awareness of life's tragic nature:

Isolation
Isolation involves consciously suppressing disturbing thoughts or situations that remind us of life's inherent meaninglessness. By avoiding or ignoring thoughts of mortality or deep existential fears, we keep ourselves from confronting uncomfortable truths.

Anchoring
Anchoring refers to creating or clinging to a framework of meaning that gives us stability in life. This might include religious beliefs, cultural norms, or personal goals that provide a sense of purpose or direction. By attaching ourselves to a specific ideology or worldview, we prevent our minds from drifting into despair.

Distraction
Distraction is the practice of diverting attention from troubling existential concerns through various forms of engagement. People often use work, entertainment, social activities, or even compulsive behaviors to avoid deep reflection on life’s deeper, often unsettling questions.

Sublimation
Sublimation is the process of channeling existential anxieties into creative or intellectual pursuits—I use this all of the time. Rather than confronting death anxiety head-on, individuals may transform these concerns into artistic, philosophical, or scientific work. By doing so, they engage with the darker aspects of existence in ways that feel productive and meaningful.

He believed these mechanisms were essentially defense strategies, helping us cope with existential dread and the awareness of our limitations. He maintained, however, that these methods could only provide temporary relief, as the underlying truths remain, inevitably surfacing throughout our lives. Becker said the same thing essentially. There's no escaping the world as it is all of the time, only temporary relief.

Check out this video: “Peter Wessel Zapffe: The Norwegian Existentialist.” Tim Oseckas addressing the Existentialist Society in September 2024. Tim did a great job here. It was a pleasure listening to his research on Zapffe. Thank you, Tim!

The Irish Elk Story

And the final idea I want to address is his story about the Irish elk—he said, "certain deer in paleontological times succumbed as they acquired overly-heavy horns." This story was very profound to me when I first read it, and it has been in my head ever since.

He uses the Irish elk as a metaphor to illustrate the self-destructive consequences of evolution unchecked by pragmatic limits. The Irish elk, now extinct, had massive antlers, which grew to such an extreme size that they eventually became a liability. Though the antlers helped attract mates, they became a burden in the elk’s environment; they were cumbersome, made movement difficult, and ultimately contributed to the species' extinction as they hindered survival.

“Deer Antlers,” 2022—my tribute to Zapffe’s philosophy on our overabundance of consciousness.

Zapffe draws a parallel between the Irish elk's oversized antlers and the human consciousness (being aware of mortality). Just as the elk’s antlers became an evolutionary overdevelopment with disastrous results, Zapffe argues that human self-awareness—our ability to reflect on life’s meaning, confront death, and ponder the universe—has led to a psychological burden we are poorly equipped to bear. This consciousness, in Zapffe’s view, is an evolutionary trait that goes beyond practical needs, creating existential dilemmas that provoke anxiety, dread, and despair.

In essence, Zapffe suggests that consciousness, like the elk’s antlers, is an overextension of evolution that, while beneficial in some respects, also leads to suffering and potentially self-destructive behaviors.

Peter Wessel Zapfee making photographs.

Peter Wessel Zapfee photograph.

Rituals and Selfies: Creating Shields and Seeking Immortality

A constant stream of thoughts go through my head about human behavior related to death anxiety and the denial of death every day, almost all day—or most of the day.

I would like to think that I am observing, not judging. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I would like to think I’m (mostly) objective.

The things of considerable importance to me are the concepts of epistemology and critical thinking. I like evidence and reason, too. Therefore, when I witness irrational or unreasonable behavior or thinking, it affects me deeply. And I see a lot of it. All of the time.

These streams of thought are usually productive, or at least beneficial, to start a piece of art or to write about. Sometimes, it’s simply connecting the dots and ending up in a feedback loop that I can’t break. Input and output. Output cycled back around as input. Do you get it?

Here’s one that keeps coming back to me most every day—I think writing it out might purge it from my mind.

Ernest Becker said, “I think that underneath everything that is at stake in human life is the problem of the terror of this planet. It is a mystic temple and a hall of doom. If you don’t see it that way, you’ve built defenses against seeing it as it is.“ Wow! That hits me so hard—I mean really, really hard. Every time I read it, it feels like the first time.

What does he mean?

I think this quote reflects his view that at the core of human existence lies a profound awareness of mortality and the terror associated with it. And if you don’t see it that way, you’ve adopted distractions to avoid seeing it as it is. Period. These distractions (I call them illusions of importance) are prolific.

He captures the paradox of life by referring to the world as both a "mystic temple and a hall of doom," where beauty, wonder, and mystery coexist with the certainty of death. This awareness is the source of deep existential anxiety that drives most human behavior.

Most people build psychological defenses—systems of meaning, beliefs, and cultural symbols—to protect themselves from fully experiencing this "hall of doom." They can function without constant existential terror by distancing themselves from the reality of death. However, Becker believed that living authentically means facing this awareness directly, acknowledging both the mystical and the doom-laden aspects of life. It’s a path that not everyone takes because of the fear and vulnerability it demands, but it can lead to a deeper understanding of what it means to be human. And, as a creative person, if you are one.

“I think that underneath everything that is at stake in human life is the problem of the terror of this planet. It is a mystic temple and a hall of doom. If you don’t see it that way, you’ve built defenses against seeing it as it is.”

— Ernest Becker

This idea forms the foundation of The Denial of Death and Escape from Evil (two great books you should read), where Becker explores how our defenses against death influence culture, religion, wars, climate change, and interpersonal conflicts.

Which brings me to my point. One of the ideas I’ve been thinking about is religious rituals (of any flavor) and social media selfies. It sounds like an odd combination, but hear me out.

RELIGIONS, SHOPPING, TV, & DRUGS
First, religious rituals. Religion has been something humans have leaned on to quell existential terror for as long as we have been conscious of our mortality. And most prescribe some kind of ritual or rituals—rules to obey—and are preoccupied with. The “immortality seeking” is strong with religion. Most religions offer some kind of afterlife or immortality. We crave that. Whether it’s symbolic or literal. In the end, we know we are decaying sacks of meat that will die. Psychologically, we can’t handle this—we find ways to deny and lie about it.

In religion, it can be any ritual that’s executed over and over again. I think about Catholic rosary beads, Hindu chanting (Vedic chant), or Orthodox Jews swaying back and forth while praying or reading the Torah; called “shuckling.” The word comes from Yiddish and means "to shake, rock, or swing." Or even praying or meditation for long periods of time. Any of it can be a sign of extreme existential struggles (all happening outside of consciousness).

Organ Mountains - Las Cruces, New Mexico

That kind of constant diversion or distraction is, to me, a sign of palpable death anxiety. To occupy your mind so completely and fully is a sure sign that we want to avoid the thought of death at all costs. The non-religious do it for shorter periods of time, things like movies, shopping, sporting games, and music concerts. Anything that transports you away from the mortal coil and thoughts of dying.

Drugs are a very common way to escape reality too. It’s interesting we use the term “escape reality.” What does that mean? Reality equals “I’m going to die.” After all, the human mortality rate is 100%. Drugs can lead to some pretty bad endings, so not a good choice to use as a buffer. I might argue that with shopping and other activities we use to distract ourselves from “reality.”

SOCIAL MEDIA SELFIES

Social media selfies. I have struggled with this for a long time. I’m amazed at the number of people whose feed is almost nothing but selfies. My first thought is malignant narcissism. However, that's just a fraction of it. To see older people curating their lives and making sure they “look good” for the photo is so obvious to me—it’s like I’m seeing the Dunning-Kruger effect of visual information. In the end, I’m sad about it. I feel sorry for the people. The phoniness, the construction of a life they DO NOT have, and the looks they DO NOT possess (our culture craves youth and fitness—immortality). The fear of death—the fear of growing older and closer to death—is real. And it shows.

I recently read an article in the Daily Mail (British Paper) about a study done in Israel. It said,

“Many of us have phones filled with selfies documenting everything from holidays to duvet days. But what's behind the modern fascination with taking photos of ourselves? Psychologists have come up with a rather morbid answer: fear of dying. Researchers from Tel Aviv University in Israel quizzed 100 students on the motivations behind their selfie-taking. They found that those who took the most had strong signs of death anxiety, an intense fear of dying that affects up to a fifth of Britons. The experts said they think endless selfie-taking may actually be an attempt to 'preserve a fake feeling of immortality'. In a paper published in the journal Psychological Reports, they wrote, Selfies possibly fulfil a need to remain immortal. One of the behaviours used to achieve feelings of immortality is photography, and nowadays photography is literally on the tip of our fingers.”

I’m sure what they mean by “remain” immortal is looking youthful and good. The idea is that by taking pictures of yourself, you find psychological security in “preserving” yourself forever. They went on to say, “We found the more people were aware (and afraid) of their death, the more they were taking and sharing selfies. Other studies have suggested that people spend an average of seven minutes a day grinning into smartphone cameras for the perfect snap to post on social media.”

So the next time you see a social media account with endless selfies, or even a lot of them, remember that existential struggles are real for people. Moreover, think about how you cope with your knowledge of mortality. You have something you use, or many things; what are they? Are you aware? Or does this happen without your conscious acknowledgment?

How Different Cultures Deal With Death

I’m fascinated with how different cultures deal with death, or mortality.

A haunting song by Wardruna called "Helvegen" explores themes of death, the afterlife, and the journey into the unknown. The title translates to "The Way to Hel," referring to the Norse underworld, Helheim, which is ruled by the goddess Hel. T” The lyrics, sung in Norwegian, evoke the imagery of accompanying a soul to the underworld—a journey that’s both spiritual and introspective.

The song reflects on mortality and the natural cycle of life and death, asking who will "sing" for someone when they cross over, touching on ancient practices of guiding the soul into the afterlife. The lyrics resonate deeply with ideas of communal mourning, remembrance, and the Norse view of the soul's journey after death. The chant-like vocals and traditional Nordic instruments that drive Wardruna's music enhance this somber meditation on mortality by creating a setting that feels timeless and deeply rooted in old Norse spirituality.

You're Obsessed With Death and Art! I Don't Understand What You're Talking About!

Are We Equipped for This Conversation?

The Creative Mind & Mortality: Artists & Anxiety: The RA-4 Color Reversal Direct Positive Process

Greetings!

If you can, join Quinn on Saturday, October 19, 2024, at 1000 MST for a conversation about the RA-4 color reversal direct positive process. This is a process where you expose color paper directly in the camera and process it as black and white and then color. 

Quinn will talk about why he uses the process in his latest work, how the process works, and an overview of how to do it. 

He'll talk about the "yellow and red problem with collodion" and how you can control the color in the reversal process. 

It should be an interesting conversation. Remember, you can always watch it later on his YouTube channel if you can't make the live show.

Stream Yard: https://streamyard.com/u7j2qbsnh5

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/live/U914Syb5UEY?si=48s2SQXQcrVfbG-P