Every time I start to write about narcissism and self-esteem, some wires get crossed and confusion sets in, and I try to wriggle my way out of explaining the difference between the two. There is a very fine line between the two, and it’s very difficult to explain the nuances.
Self-esteem is very important for psychological security. You need it; every human being does. But what is self-esteem? Most people think that it’s feeling good about yourself. And that’s true, but it plays a much bigger role than that.
Ernest Becker said that self-esteem is as important as food to a human being. That’s quite a statement, but I think it’s true. Self-esteem boils down to a very basic need: having meaning and significance in a world that values you. Most of the time, our culture provides ways that we can bolster our self-esteem. Getting a degree, accomplishing important things at your job, raising a family, or belonging to a certain religion or political group. Even joining in with the fans of a specific sports team. All of those cultural constructs can give us the framework for boosting our self-esteem and making us feel like we’re significant in a meaningful world. That’s what we’re after (psychologically speaking), whether we’re aware of it or not, and most aren’t.
There are plenty of harmful ways we try to find that comfort, too. Ernest Becker articulated some of the malignant traits of pursuing this; he called it, “tranquilizing with the trivial.” These activities include shopping, social media, drinking, drugging, etc. These are all ways humans “turn off” (or try to) the constant gnawing of mortality. Most of the time, we try to work within our cultural worldview and boost our self-esteem by following what’s appropriate and accepted in our culture. If our culture doesn’t provide obtainable ways to bolster our self-esteem, we'll resort to tranquilizing with the trivial, or worse.
I just read an article about America's declining IQ. It’s called “Our Falling IQ Shows in the Polls” by Sabrina Haake. You can read the article here. I can’t help but see that social media has played a big role in this, among many other things (see article). I’m worried about this country. These are not new concerns; they are just more present and potent than before. And I can’t help but tie all of this back to Becker’s theories and Solomon’s empirical evidence about death anxiety and terror management theory. It’s so easy for me to see the correlation and causation. Some food for thought.
On another note: I’ve been editing my book like crazy for a few days. I try to get some editing time in every day. It’s exciting to see it get closer and closer to becoming a real, published book! I know there won’t be very many people interested in it, but for those that are, I hope you’ll find it potent and thought-provoking.
