The Last Day of 2010

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place where everything is ending. Or at least it feels that way.

It’s a bitter-sweet thing. I’m in one of those places right now and wondering how it all happened so fast and what will fill the “hole” on the other side of the pond. While endings can be sad, they can also open the door to opportunities; and that’s where I have to keep my head, or at least try.

Today, I’m reflecting on leaving Europe after five years, Summer’s evolution into adulthood (the loss of “my little girl”) and just the overall loss of what I know now – my life – if you will. The year is ending, too. That’s what started me writing. I thought I could use the last day of the year as a metaphor for my life right now.

I was in my studio/darkroom yesterday and I was trying to devise a plan of where to start to break it down. It made me sad. In a lot of ways I don’t want to go back to America. In other ways, I can’t wait. It’s a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least. I walked out of my darkroom full of anxiety and didn’t touch a thing. I need to get in there today and start packing!  

We’ve met and befriended some of the finest human beings on this big blue ball (you know who you are) here. Europe and the Europeans have been very good to me and my family. This has been, without question, the best part of my life. The people, the experiences and the personal and professional growth has been amazing. I’ve learned more about myself and about life in these five years than the previous forty. I hope I can take some of that back with me and am able to share it without sounding arrogant or condescending. Americans could learn a lot from Europeans, I know I have.

I’ve been treated like a king here. And I’ve been respected and acknowledged for my work. I’m afraid that I will lose that returning to the States. No one knows me and no one cares what I’ve done here. It feels like I’ll be starting over in a lot of ways.  I’m okay with that; I just don’t want to keep taking one step forward and then three back.

I have to thank Centre-Iris Gallery (Olivier and Pierre) and all of the fine Parisians that supported me this year. What a wonderful experience! Merci beacoup! To have a gallery in Paris that supports you like Centre-Iris is overwhelming. I’m very grateful and will return every two years with new and exciting work to show Paris. A big thank you to our friend, Benoît Boucherot, too! He made a wonderful documentary about me (see the previous post). 

To every studio, cultural center, art school and individual artists in Europe (Barcelona, Reus, Gothenburg, Budapest, Dresden, Cologne, Vienna, Glasgow, London, Amsterdam, Berlin, Brussels, and many, many more) that I’ve had the pleasure of visiting and teaching at (and there have been a lot of them); thank you! You’ve allowed me to grow and taught me more than I taught you. I’m eternally indebted to the hundreds of people that I’ve had the opportunity to meet, teach and befriend; thank you! I wish I could stay another five years.

Summer and Jesse just spent three weeks with us. They flew back yesterday and are back in America today (31 December 2010). I was able to get them in the head brace for a plate during a private workshop with Bernd Radtke. We had fun; we went to Amsterdam, Belgium (Lummen) and Aachen (Germany) to see friends and have some fun.

I miss my life here already. 

Summer Joy Jacobson - December 18, 2010 Viernheim, Germany 5" x 7" Black Glass Ambrotype

Jesse Vriens - December 18, 2010 Viernheim, Germany Half Plate Clear Glass Ambrotype

 

Greenwich Village (West) New York City

New York always fascinates me. The energy, the crowds; I have a "love-hate" relationship with it (mostly love). Every time I visit, I ask myself if I could live here. A lot of me says, “yes” and the rest rest of me says, “Not a chance.”

New York is "on” all of the time. It’s like an exasperating friend – the energy is palpable and exhausting. We were out until 3AM last night (Rocky Horror Picture Show). Coming back to the apartment on the train/subway, you could see the city that never sleeps in all of its glory. Do you want a Falafel at 3AM? A beer? A glass of wine? A movie? Do you want to see people dancing on the train? Playing music? What ever you want, you can get here at any time.

We’ve been hanging out with David, Caron and Issac the last few days here. It’s been a lot of fun. We’ve seen a lot; Sally Mann show, WTC chaos, Times Square, Katz’s Deli, etc. etc. My favorite has been this little neighborhood in the West Village. We have an apartment here and the flavor of the place is very nice. There’s this coffee house called “Jack’s Coffee” just 50 meters from our apartment – I love it. These are the things that interest me the most.

Jean and Quinn in Jack’s Coffee drinking Honey Macchiatos.  
Shade grown puppies!  

Jack's Coffee Shop

Honey Machiatto

Quinn and Caron - “Sally Mann, Sally Mann!”! 
 

Three Wonderful Things Today

It's a special day today for three reasons. First, it's Summer's birthday! Happy Birthday Summer! It doesn't seem like it was very long ago that I stayed up all night (Sunday night) with Jeanne and then witnessed your birth at 05:55, Monday morning - July 20th - 17 years ago! Wow! We love you Summer! You will always be our beautiful (baby) girl!

Secondly, today is the grand opening of STUDIOQ.COM - my Wet Plate Collodion Online Workshop, book and DVD. Although the book and DVD doesn't ship until the first week of August, the video workshop is online and there's plenty to see and learn in the interim. I'm excited about the launch!

And last, but not least, are the images I made yesterday in Frankfurt. Jeroen (also known as Dr. Herr De Wijs), our friend from The Netherlands, came down and stayed the weekend with us. He got to experience the Höchst public art making fest, also known as Montmartre Am Main. Erick, an American living in Ladenburg (near us) also made the journey to Frankfurt and witnessed the Collodion portraiture and the public awe of the event. He brought his dog Clover, too. It was a good day. As always, people gathered around and, with great interest, spent some time in my world.

Summer played guitar and sang some songs - it was very nice to be in the dark-box listening to her music while I was processing plates. Jeanne talked with people and got to relax a little bit after a long hard week of administrating the VBS - she worked until 9PM or 10PM  every night last week.

Here are some of the portraits:

"Greek Man In Frankfurt"

 
"Spanish Woman In Frankfurt"

 
"Greek Woman In Frankfurt"

"Romainian Girl In Frankfurt"

"Blithe Spirit" April 24, 25, & 26, 2009 Mannheim High School

This weekend has been consumed with Summer's play. It's called, "Blithe Spirit", by Noel Coward. The cast performed very well. It's a play that is "dialogue heavy" and lasts almost three hours! Summer was the hit of the show - she got a lot of laughs and her performance was brilliant! She played Madame Arcati.

Blithe Spirit is a comic play written by Noel Coward which takes its title from Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem "To a Skylark" ("Hail to thee, blithe Spirit! Bird thou never wert"). The play concerns socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who is haunted by the ghost of his first wife, Elvira, following a séance held by the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati. Elvira makes continuous attempts to disrupt Charles' marriage to his second wife, Ruth.


The play was first seen on the West End in London in 1941 and set a new long-run record for non-musical British plays of 1,997 performances. It also did well on Broadway later that year, running for 657 performances. Coward adapted the play for film in 1945, starring Rex Harrison, and directed a musical adaptation, High Spirits, on Broadway in 1964. It was also adapted for television in the 1950s and 1960s and for radio. The play enjoyed several West End and Broadway revivals in the 1970s and 1980s and was revived again in London in 2004. It returned to Broadway in February 2009. (copied from Wikipedia).

Summer as Madame Arcati - eccentric and funny!
Summer and her best friend, Jacqueline (playing Ruth).
Madame Arcati basking in a moment of her own greatness.
Madame Arcati discovers the maid (played by Nads) can rid the house of the ghost wives.
Madame Arcati giving Ruth the lowdown on how to get rid of Elvira.
A photo from the original play - from left to right: Arcati, Ruth and Elvira.  

Wet Plate Collodion Positives & Negative From April 11, 2009

I'm suppose to be editing video for my DVD today. I'm not in the mood. After I get done with this post, I'm going to go make another espresso and sit on the porch and watch the day pass.

It's gorgeous today. It's sunny and almost 26C (~80F) degrees. That's my maximum comfortable temperature. If it gets past 26C I don't like it.

Summer and I had a good time yesterday making photographs. She's got it down. She helped me with the negative work and made several positive images on her own. I'll go out on a limb here and say that she's probably the youngest Collodionista in the world! I'm sure I'll get some email if she's not. I'm trying to encourage her to teach the process when she starts college next year. It would be a great part time gig for an undergraduate student, not to mention what doors it may open for her.

Here are a few plates from yesterday's effort (as always, click to enlarge):

 

"Summer's Fan" - Whole Plate Alumitype
"The Three Summers" - Whole Plate Alumitype 
"Westmalle Trappist Beer" - 5"x7" Negative Toned/POP
Sometimes, we run out of room on our mantle for glass and metal!

Conscientious Objector

I've had enough. I'm sick of it. And I refuse to participate. I don't care what anyone thinks about me saying that either. Call me what you will for not participating in mass consumption, for any "holiday", but especially this one.

Drunk Santa! It's hard for me to see the value (i.e. showing love) in spending money that you don't have on gifts that people don't want. Or even worse, sending cards to people "because it's that time of year." I loathe that, I really do!

It's a scam to make super-consumers out of everyone. To rob us of our dignity and shame us with empty, meaningless stuff. We know better!

If people really cared for one another, we wouldn't be in (pick a mess, any mess) the mess we're in today. Period. And we want to indoctrinate our children with this? Come on! They're already facing a very uncertain future. Why do we want to burden them with this? And don't say it's fun and joyful, it's not, we all know that.

Where are the friendships, family love, and empathy in March or April or when people really need it? Where are the gifts given in conversation and in listening to one another about individual interests or ideas? Why can't we give those kinds of things throughout the year?

I would much rather have a meaningful conversation with someone than receive material "stuff" from them. I would prefer one minute of real conversation over a thousand hours of fake "weather conversation" and forced dinners with people I don't even really know. But we all do it, don't we? We know it's wrong and meaningless, but we do it anyway. Why? Why not be honest and real? What's so shameful or embarrassing about being who we are? I don't get it?

Think about all of the parents that don't really even know their (adult) children. Siblings that are clueless about one another (as in really knowing one another). I tried to communicate to my mother about who I am and what I believe is important in my life before she died. And I continue to talk to my father about it too. It's not easy.

Even here in Europe, the consumer craze in catching on. Germans love their Weinnacht Markts and hot Glühwein (puke). You can see the American influence to consume creeping in and taking over. How long will they last?

I was walking through Real the other day and saw a copy of Bild. It had some German guy on the front page talking about how Hitler was a nice guy. I bought it so I could read that article and saw this ad in it. The Santa drinking an Erdinger (which is good beer) reminded me of how I felt about this time of year. That's why I went on this rant.

Having said all of that, it doesn't mean that I don't love you and miss you, I do. That's why I said all of this, I want to show my love and appreciation in a different and new way. Do you want to join me?

My Mother: Nov. 8, 1929 - Sept. 1, 2008

Dear Mom,

I love you very much and I'll miss you a lot.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you left for Heaven, but I know you understand. I have sweet and precious memories with you, and of you. Jeanne and Summer send their love. God bless you and goodbye for now. I know I will see you again.

Mom in her casket - September 8, 2008 - Utah

Ida Juanita Gardner (Mom) 2005 Wet Plate Collodion Ambrotype. 

Mom, me and Dad - Mom's 39th birthday - 1968
  Mom and Dad - photo booth 1959

Summer Sings National Anthems

Summer was asked to sing at the Mannheim High School graduation ceremony Saturday (June 7, 2008).

She did a wonderful job! She sang both the German National Anthem (without the "Deutschland Uber Alles" part) and the American National Anthem.

Here's a video (not such a great video, it was shot from my still camera - but you get the point) - a big crowd and Summer was on the GIANT screen - great job Sweetie! We love you!!!