The Last Messiah and Deer Antlers

"The tragedy of a species becoming unfit for life by over-evolving one ability is not confined to humankind. Thus it is thought, for instance, that certain deer in paleontological times succumbed as they acquired overly-heavy horns. The mutations must be considered blind, they work, are thrown forth, without any contact of interest with their environment. In depressive states, the mind may be seen in the image of such an antler, in all its fantastic splendour pinning its bearer to the ground.”

This is from Peter Zapffe's famous essay, "The Last Messiah." He argues, as do Becker and others, that the evolution of consciousness created a huge psychological problem for human beings: the knowledge that we're going to die.

In his essay, he argues that the Irish elk deer of the Pleistocene era evolved with antlers that were too big. He equates it to the human brain evolving consciousness and becoming aware that we exist and that we're going to die. He makes the point that these were evolutionary mistakes.

Zapffe was a Norwegian philosopher. He was born in 1899 and died in 1990. His doctoral dissertation was never translated into English but is said to be a great piece of writing on pessimistic philosophy. 

The species of deer that Zapffe is referring to is the Irish elk (Megaloceros giganteus), which thrived throughout Eurasia during the ecological epoch known as the Pleistocene (2.6 million to 11,700 years ago). The Irish elk had the largest antlers of any known deer, with a maximum span of 3.65 meters (12 feet). Historically, the explanation given for the extinction of the Irish elk was that its antlers grew too large: the animals could no longer hold up their heads or feed properly, and their antlers, according to this explanation, would also get entangled in trees when trying to flee human hunters through forests.

However, according to some researchers, the large antlers of the Irish elk may have had little to do with the extinction of the species. The Irish elk’s antlers did indeed weigh these creatures down, and Zapffe’s analogy is still illuminating in its own right.

A surplus of consciousness and intellect is the default state of affairs for the human species. Unlike the case of the deer that Zapffe alludes to, we have been able to save ourselves from going extinct. Zapffe posits that humans have come to cope and survive by repressing this surplus of consciousness. Without restricting our consciousness, Zapffe believed the human being would fall into "a state of relentless panic" or a ‘feeling of cosmic panic’, as he puts it. This follows a person’s realization that "he is the universe’s helpless captive"; it comes from truly understanding the human predicament. In the 1990 documentary To Be a Human Being, he stated:

"Man is a tragic animal, not because of his smallness, but because he is too well endowed. Man has longings and spiritual demands that reality cannot fulfill. We have expectations of a just and moral world. Man requires meaning in a meaningless world." (Sam Woolfe)

This surplus of consciousness is, in fact, a psychological kick in the groin, no doubt. However, like Becker’s theory shows, and Zapffe alludes to, we repress it; we bury it deep in our subconscious. And we use our illusions (cultural worldviews) to keep it there and make day-to-day life bearable.

The Incompleteness In Philosophy

“If you wish to become a philosopher, the first thing to realise is that most people go through life with a whole world of beliefs that have no sort of rational justification, and that one man’s world of beliefs is apt to be incompatible with another man’s, so that they cannot both be right. People’s opinions are mainly designed to make them feel comfortable; truth, for most people is a secondary consideration.”

― Bertrand Russell, The Art of Philosophizing and other Essays (1942)

I really enjoy the study of philosophy (the love of wisdom). Over the years, I’ve read a lot of it. I’ve read everything from the old Greeks and Romans to modern thinkers, and I suppose I know just enough to be dangerous. In reality, I really don’t know much at all. I’ll save that for another time.

After reading Becker, I have a different view on philosophy. Now, it feels like the major philosophical theories are only halfway there or not complete; they feel unfinished. Russell’s quote (above) is a good example. While I completely agree with it, it doesn’t finish the thought. It falls short without Becker’s theories to complete it. All philosophy feels this way to me now: always referring to the answer but never really answering.

I'm not saying I disagree with the major philosophers about life and ideas on the human condition; on the contrary, however, I believe Becker's ideas are at the top of the philosophical pyramid. Everything, including all human behavior and thought, comes below his theories. His ideas and theories answer questions about the human condition. And they answer them definitively—at least in my mind, they do.

I know this is a bad analogy, but it’s a lot like treating the cough when you have a cold and not addressing the virus. That’s how it feels to me. I want to address the virus, not the cough. Becker gets to the heart of these matters.

I’ve always been a person who seeks the truth. I want logic and rational thought in my life. I’m not a believer in magic or superstition. In the context of life philosophy, those things seem trivial and unimportant. If there are no answers to the "big" questions, I’ll live with that. I don’t have the desire to make something up to say that I know the answer.

A good example of this today is the number of people who believe in conspiracy theories. These are "answers" that attempt to satisfy complicated questions or outright fantasies. The people who believe in these kinds of things feel empowered because they know something that most don’t. Feelings and opinions are irrelevant to me in the context of facts. I want evidence for positions and ideas put out there for discussion. This is where Russell’s quote is spot on.

I digress.

So let us address the virus, not the cough, of life's big questions. Let’s be clear and definitive when we have evidence for our position. Becker gives us those tools. He answers the most vital and important questions in life through his theories. And Solomon, Greenberg, and Pyszczynski go on and give us empirical evidence to show Becker’s theories are correct.

“We don’t want to admit that we are fundamentally dishonest about reality, that we do not really control our own lives. We don’t want to admit that we do not stand alone, that we always rely on something that transcends us, some system of ideas and powers in which we are embedded and which support us. This power is not always obvious. It need not be overtly a god or openly a stronger person, but it can be the power of an all-absorbing activity, a passion, a dedication to a game, a way of life, that like a comfortable web keeps a person buoyed up and ignorant of himself, of the fact that he does not rest on his own center. All of us are driven to be supported in a self-forgetful way, ignorant of what energies we really draw on, of the kind of lie we have fashioned in order to live securely and serenely. Augustine was a master analyst of this, as were Kierkegaard, Scheler, and Tillich in our day. They saw that man could strut and boast all he wanted, but that he really drew his “courage to be” from a god, a string of sexual conquests, a Big Brother, a flag, the proletariat, and the fetish of money and the size of a bank balance.”

—Ernest Becker

“Rocky Mountain Cotton Grass—Blown Away"—a cyanotype on waxed vellum paper. The wind is blowing away the last seeds of the Rocky Mountain cotton grass. November, 2022.

The last light of the day sets on an old Ponderosa Pine tree stump. Many years ago, it was struck by lightning.

Almost 40 paper negatives (calotypes) I’ll make more of these over the winter. This is a good start for what I want to do for the project.

Turtles All The Way Down - The Song And The Print

“The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life.” - William Faulkner, The Paris Review, 1956

TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN
The print is a photogenic drawing of the pigweed plant. These are “one-off” direct contact prints—kind of like an Ambrotype or Tintype. The plant was laid on top of a piece of paper that I salted (ammonium chloride) and sensitized with silver nitrate. I put the paper and plant out in the sun for about 3-4 minutes. I washed the print (removing the free silver), toned the print (with palladium toner), fixed the print, and washed it. That’s it. I’ll do more of these in the future. They are special in that the actual object is in contact with the paper. The void is what makes the print. A lot to talk about there, philosophically speaking.

When I removed the plant from the paper, all of a sudden I had thoughts of the song, “Turtles All The Way Down.” The lyrics jumped right to the forefront of my mind. It was strange and powerful. Thoughts of near-death experiences came to mind as well. There were words like “universe” and “big bang,” all in this tiny little plant. It seemed to hold all of it and express it so beautifully in this print. The seeds that fell off onto the paper were a powerful reminder about life and death too.

Turtles all the way down is also the title of a book by John Green. He wrote “The Fault In Our Stars” and “Paper Towns.” I haven’t read it, but from my understanding, it’s about a young woman and her struggle with mental health issues. Anxiety and OCD. She’s trying to solve a mystery about a billionaire.

So where did the title spring from? “Turtles all the way down” is an old phrase that was used as a rebuttal for the existence of God. In his book, “A Brief History of Time,” Stephen Hawking describes its origin: The well-known scientist Bertrand Russell once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: ‘What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.’ The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, ‘What is the tortoise standing on?’ “You’re very clever, young man, very clever,” said the old lady. ‘But it’s turtles all the way down!’

The idea is really rooted in infinite regress. The definition is, “a sequence of reasoning or justification which can never come to an end.” It’s about infinity, something that we can’t comprehend, and if we think we can, we’re delusional.

The specific lyrics that came to mind in reference to the print:

“I've seen Jesus play with flames
In a lake of fire that I was standing in….

Met Buddha yet another time
And he showed me a glowing light within…

There's a gateway in our minds
That leads somewhere out there, far beyond this plane
Where reptile aliens made of light
Cut you open and pull out all your pain..,”

The song really touched me when I first heard it. I couldn’t believe the lyrics: country music gone psychedelic. In this song, there’s no beer, bars, or women that left him. The pro-psychedelic position really made me pay attention. I think they (psychedelics) have a great future in the treatment of certain mental health issues. Anyway, listen to the song, and read the lyrics-it’s posted below.

The Psychology of "Othering" and Book Ideas

“What you’re trying to create is a certain kind of indispensable presence, where your position in the narrative is not contingent on whether somebody likes you, or somebody knows you, or somebody’s a friend, or somebody’s being generous to you.”- Kerry James Marshall, NPR News, 2017

THE BOOK

I’ve decided to publish a book on this work. The title and subtitle will read, "In the Shadow of Sun Mountain – The Psychology of "Othering." That’s probably not a surprise to a lot of you, but I wanted to share the news.

This will be one way of putting the work out there. There will be other projects to accomplish this as well. Since most people will never see the work in person (an exhibition), and since the book will have more images than an exhibition, this is the most efficient way to get these images and ideas to the masses or the few that are interested in it. And there will be a substantial amount of writing that I could never get to communicate in a gallery setting. If people take the time to read it, they will really understand what I’m trying to do with the work.

I’m not sure when this will be published. It will probably be at the end of 2023 or the beginning of 2024. It will be a hardcover and, so far, it looks to be about 200+ pages. Quite the tome for a “photobook.” It’s not really just a photobook, though. I want to transcend that a bit and give some in-depth reasoning, philosophy, and “behind-the-scenes” stories about the work. I’m leaning heavily on Becker and Solomon for this. It will be scholarly in that sense, for sure.

The book will concentrate on the history of "othering" but will also shed light on current events. Humans simply repeat history. The images are cradled in the lives of the Ute-Tabeguache of Colorado—my home. But the concept will go even beyond that. It will be broken down into four sections; the introduction and artist’s statement; landscapes, flora, and fauna; objects, and symbols. The book will have between 15 and 20 essays on various topics related to history, psychology, and my experience making the work. I’m repurposing some of the writing that I’ve published here. The essays will be edited and polished up a bit for the book.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF “OTHERING”

I’ve always had a preoccupation with the psychology of "othering." I’ve been talking about it and asking questions about marginalized communities and our treatment of them for over two decades, maybe even longer. I’ve made several bodies of photographic work on this topic too.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve wondered why people group up and make everything "us and them." They will argue and fight about anything and everything. And I mean everything; sports teams, geography, professions, politics, Facebook groups, religion, gender, etcetera.

I’m guilty of it too. I feel the feelings and think the thoughts like everyone else. I suppose the difference is that I realize when I’m doing it and I’ve never taken it to extremes—at least I hope I haven’t.

I've always been aware of my thoughts about differences. I believe that’s where my questions originated. I’m always willing to have a rational and reasonable discussion about them, whether they’re real or perceived. I don’t think we can ever not have these feelings and thoughts; we’re built this way. It’s baked into our death anxiety condition—and it’s a powerful buffer we cling to for security and self-esteem.

That’s why Ernest Becker’s writing is so potent for me. He was able to answer questions that I’d been struggling with for 30 years or longer. He clearly laid out the human condition, and there’s not much room for argument. His theories are solid. Sheldon Solomon and his crew put his theories to the test—the literal test. And they panned out. Read “The Worm At The Core: The Role Of Death In Life” it will make you a believer. It is what it is, whether we like it or not, understand it or not, or agree with it or not. That’s where we are.

His books have had such an influence on me; it’s really pushed my (photographic) work in a different direction. I’m primarily a portrait photographer and artist. I would normally have people in front of my camera. Not anymore. Based on his theories of the denial of death, Becker gave me insight into making work that was both abstract and impactful, sitting together with these ideas. If you look through the work and study it, you’ll find what I’m talking about. For me, it’s Becker’s theories visualized.

The big problems come when people rationalize their "othering"—they justify it and not only make it okay, they think it’s their "duty to stand up for what’s right." I’m sure you’ve seen examples of this recently. I could list several just in the past week alone, everything from mass shootings to anti-mask people freaking out at school board meetings and many more.

It’s beyond worrisome at this point. When I feel emotional about it, I simply refer to Becker’s words. I understand why it’s happening, and that seems to calm me down. Knowledge is power. Plato said, "The true lover of knowledge naturally strives for truth and is not content with common opinion, but soars with undimmed and unwearied passion till he grasps the essential nature of things." That’s always been my goal, especially now.

My book will be a story of "othering." A specific story about the Ute/Tabeguache that once lived where I live now. It will be an artistic and psychological trip into the “why.” It will explain, as best I can translate, Becker and Solomon's reasons behind the genocide of Indigenous peoples. I see the pictures as the residue, if you will, or reminders of the past. For me, they hold both the beauty and the tragedy of the people and the place. I hope they will evoke emotions and feelings in the viewer. And I hope the written portion gives some answers or explanations about all of it, past and present.

At the end of the day, my goal is to add to the long list of people who have tried to shed light on human behavior, to make people aware of the unconscious, and to plead for change—real personal change. One of Becker’s hopes was that everyone understood his theories. Just the fact of knowing about this can help bring about change—one person at a time. I know this is too much to ask. It's not realistic. But I can still hope.

I’ll close this essay with some positive words. And maybe, in some abstract way, some answers to the mortality salience problem—the death anxiety problem.

Every day, I try my best to do the following: Be grateful for everything. Be happy to be alive. Be in awe of life—of living and of nature. And try to be humble. Not in a self-deprecating way, but in a modest, unpretentious, unassuming way. Share the good things that you have to offer the world. And find meaning and significance in the things you love to do.

These are big asks in our world of social media (siloed lives), our drive for wealth and fame, and our desire to “stand out” and compete with the world. I’ve heard Sheldon Solomon recommend pursuing noble attributes (previous paragraph). They may bring some relief to your existential crisis, and your death anxiety.

Mockup idea #2

Mockup idea #3:

I’m thrilled with this picture (a photogenic drawing of pigweed). When I saw it after I pulled the plant from the paper, I was beside myself. It reminds me of this song I recently heard. It’s called “Turtles All The Way Down,” by Sturgill Simpson. I listen to a wide variety of music; no genre is off-limits to me. As far as country music goes, normally I would go for the older stuff like Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Geoge Jones, Tammy Wynette, etc.

Lately, I’ve been listening to him (Sturgill Simpson), and I like a lot of his music. He’s a great storyteller. I couldn’t believe the lyrics when I first heard the song (“Turtles All The Way Down”). He talks about psychedelics and how they’ve changed him. And he comes down hard on organized religion. I’m familiar with the Bertrand Russell story of turtles all the way down and have read Stephen Hawking’s book, “A Brief History of Time,” where he tells that story as a rebuttal to the existence of God. It’s really about infinite regress. But I digress. I’ll write an essay about it. I think people might find it interesting. This image reminds me of these lyrics in the song:

“I've seen Jesus play with flames
In a lake of fire that I was standing in….

There's a gateway in our minds
That leads somewhere out there, far beyond this plane
Where reptile aliens made of light
Cut you open and pull out all your pain..,”

The Studio Q Show LIVE! From the Rocky Mountains!

Greetings!

I hope everyone is doing well. I haven't had much time over the last couple of weeks. We've been crazy busy moving and getting ourselves set up to start our home build in the mountains.

I wanted to reach out and touch base with you and do a LIVE show today from our place in the mountains here - the Rocky Mountains in Colorado, U.S.A. Not much to show yet, we’re just starting, but we can talk wet plate collodion and "ask and answer" technical questions.

Join me if you can - tomorrow, Saturday, June 27, at 1000 hrs MST. It will stream LIVE on my YouTube channel as well.

We address attending a workshop and getting tutorials/online services.
(Administrated by Jean Jacobson)

Quinn’s Live Stream from Stream Yard: https://streamyard.com/4sffpya3a8

Quinn’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoFXbRk1u4g

The Last Day of 2010

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place where everything is ending. Or at least it feels that way.

It’s a bitter-sweet thing. I’m in one of those places right now and wondering how it all happened so fast and what will fill the “hole” on the other side of the pond. While endings can be sad, they can also open the door to opportunities; and that’s where I have to keep my head, or at least try.

Today, I’m reflecting on leaving Europe after five years, Summer’s evolution into adulthood (the loss of “my little girl”) and just the overall loss of what I know now – my life – if you will. The year is ending, too. That’s what started me writing. I thought I could use the last day of the year as a metaphor for my life right now.

I was in my studio/darkroom yesterday and I was trying to devise a plan of where to start to break it down. It made me sad. In a lot of ways I don’t want to go back to America. In other ways, I can’t wait. It’s a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least. I walked out of my darkroom full of anxiety and didn’t touch a thing. I need to get in there today and start packing!  

We’ve met and befriended some of the finest human beings on this big blue ball (you know who you are) here. Europe and the Europeans have been very good to me and my family. This has been, without question, the best part of my life. The people, the experiences and the personal and professional growth has been amazing. I’ve learned more about myself and about life in these five years than the previous forty. I hope I can take some of that back with me and am able to share it without sounding arrogant or condescending. Americans could learn a lot from Europeans, I know I have.

I’ve been treated like a king here. And I’ve been respected and acknowledged for my work. I’m afraid that I will lose that returning to the States. No one knows me and no one cares what I’ve done here. It feels like I’ll be starting over in a lot of ways.  I’m okay with that; I just don’t want to keep taking one step forward and then three back.

I have to thank Centre-Iris Gallery (Olivier and Pierre) and all of the fine Parisians that supported me this year. What a wonderful experience! Merci beacoup! To have a gallery in Paris that supports you like Centre-Iris is overwhelming. I’m very grateful and will return every two years with new and exciting work to show Paris. A big thank you to our friend, Benoît Boucherot, too! He made a wonderful documentary about me (see the previous post). 

To every studio, cultural center, art school and individual artists in Europe (Barcelona, Reus, Gothenburg, Budapest, Dresden, Cologne, Vienna, Glasgow, London, Amsterdam, Berlin, Brussels, and many, many more) that I’ve had the pleasure of visiting and teaching at (and there have been a lot of them); thank you! You’ve allowed me to grow and taught me more than I taught you. I’m eternally indebted to the hundreds of people that I’ve had the opportunity to meet, teach and befriend; thank you! I wish I could stay another five years.

Summer and Jesse just spent three weeks with us. They flew back yesterday and are back in America today (31 December 2010). I was able to get them in the head brace for a plate during a private workshop with Bernd Radtke. We had fun; we went to Amsterdam, Belgium (Lummen) and Aachen (Germany) to see friends and have some fun.

I miss my life here already. 

Summer Joy Jacobson - December 18, 2010 Viernheim, Germany 5" x 7" Black Glass Ambrotype

Jesse Vriens - December 18, 2010 Viernheim, Germany Half Plate Clear Glass Ambrotype

Living An "Authentic Life"?

What does it mean to live an "authentic life"? What does "authentic" even mean? For me, it's a word that describes, or defines, your ability to be you. Whatever or whoever you are. In other words, not counterfeit or copied. It sounds easy, right? It isn't.

Quinn stylin' a Chin Curtain. Henry David Thoreau said, "All men live quiet lives of desperation." I don't think that's as bleak as it sounds. Desperation, in this case, could be defined as not being authentic. Most people, especially Americans, tend to follow trends and other people. Their lives are copies of what is popular or accepted. A lot of television and the mass media teaches them who to be. In other words, their identity is closely connected to what is popular in thought, fashion, lifestyle, etc. at any given time. They tend to be "spectators" rather than "players" in the game of life.

Why do people live like this? I believe it's for acceptance. We all want to be accepted. I wrote in my graduate thesis that we are in a dilemma (as human beings). We want to be accepted and fit in, but we want to be individuals/unique at the same time. That's impossible to do. You're either in touch with who you are, however you are, or you're a knock-off of your culture's latest style, thought, craze, or trend. You can't have it both ways.

There are times I ask myself, "Are you really, truly being honest with yourself about who you are?" I've felt tremendous pressure to lose weight, cut my hair, shave my face, dress a certain way and to be easy on ignorant people (I can be loud and opinionated) so that I can fit in and please people. I'm told quite often, most of the time in very subtle ways, that I'm not acceptable the way I am - that I need to change my appearance and my philosophy toward people and life.

I'm sure people think they're doing me a favor by telling me that I don't fit in. It begs the question about authenticity. What if I'm truly supposed to be the way I am? What if the way I look, dress and think is authentic? What if the masses are wrong about me?

Why do so many people feel the need to tell people who are different to change? Isn't this what's caused wars and has been at the heart of most of the evil in the world? I can't help but think about where I live and how it applies to these ideas of difference and authenticity. Difference, for the most part, is not accepted here.

Just because you might not look or think like the masses, or the popular majority, doesn't mean that you're wrong or need to be changed. If we could all start living authentic lives, maybe we could find peace and acceptance with ourselves and with others.

Change Is Good, We Need It

I enjoy change. I don’t fear it or loathe it like some people do. When you get too comfortable, bad things start to happen. Sometimes, the undesirable things are happening and you don’t even know it!

My belief is that you have two ways to move in life; you either “evolve” or “devolve” - there’s no sitting on the fence. If you’re “evolving” or progressing, you will be acutely present to your accomplishments. If you’re “devolving” you may not be aware of it at all. Distractions or superficial things seem to get in the way. They prevent you from doing what you really want or need to be doing.

That’s my deep philosophical introduction to my move to a new server and new web site. It’s definitely progress for me. I hope you like it.