I can only imagine what goes through the minds of the people watching as I make photographs in the small towns and villages here.
This morning I went out to re-photograph the Synagogue memorial in the village I live in, Viernheim. They moved the memorial (I call them gravestones - they always seem to be weeping) a couple of months ago. They also included a little sitting area and bench. It's actually a lot better.
As I setup and made preparations to make a plate, several people walked by and stared - I mean stared! One old German man, maybe 70 years-old, or more, almost tripped, as he was walking by staring. He wasn't watching where he was going. I said, "Achtung, Baby!" - I wonder if he got the reference to the U2 album, probably not.
I don't mind people watching. I'm a voyeur by profession and passion. The thing that I don't is like not knowing if they're just interested, or if they're thinking, "I would prefer that this guy go away." It feels like the latter, but I'm hopeful that it's the former.
The photograph I made this morning is gone. It made me sick, but I wiped it from the plate. This is the only "evidence" that remains of the Ambrotype. What if I made this whole project like that? What if there were no plates in the entire project, only non-tangible (digital) representations? It would be a lot like the subject matter, no?
A friend/colleague emailed me the other day asked me about my thoughts on impermanence, or ephemeral art. He's working on his M.F.A. and doing some really interesting things with chalk-screen transfers. His images are only there for a short time on a chalkboard - this theme has been explored by a lot of artists, but it keeps coming back to me, time and time again. It feels like I'm not listening.
Just as the Synagogues and people were "wiped away", I think that this method may serve the project well. I first thought about breaking the glass, destroying the images, or having Germans do that in a performance. After some thought, I decided no, that's too much. However, wiping these images from the plates, and maybe even keeping the Collodion I wipe off as residue may be the answer I've been looking for.
You have to remember, these images are extremely beautiful when you're holding them in your hand. They're a "precious artifact" in a lot of ways. They're also a lot of work to make - a big investment in many ways - time, money, effort, etc. So destroying them and only keeping (digital) representations creates a sense of loss for me - a lot like how I feel when I see (memorials) representations of these beautiful Synagogues (and people) that were destroyed.
I'm going to seriously explore this some more. Right now, in this moment, I feel very strongly about it.
"Destroyed Synagogue Memorial With Apartments and Playground" 8x10 Black Glass Ambrotype - 29 March 2009 - 0923, Viernheim, Germany (I flipped this positive so you can read the text)
Notes: The memorials seem to be "weeping" every time I photograph them. The background (apartment buildings, trees, playground, etc.) appear as a painting or drawing, unreal, if you will. The gravestone seems to be emerging from a black earth - terrible and foreboding.
"Self Portrait #3 - Jewish DNA" - 8"x10" Alumitype - Viernheim, Germany 2009 
Self Portrait #1 With Y-DNA Sequence Backwards (written by hand)